Have you ever been depressed without realizing it? For the last six months, I’ve been telling myself that I was feeling a little low, or that I just needed more alone-time than usual. And I felt confused by the way the things that used to bring me pleasure felt hollow, and how I was irritated by the simple presence of other humans. But I didn’t believe it was a problem. It’s okay, I said to myself. Everyone has days like this. There’s no need to make a fuss.
Last week my mom asked if I’ve been writing, and I told her I haven’t been. Sure, I’d been putting in my hours at the desk, stirring sentences around like turds in a chamber pot, but I wouldn’t call that writing. It had been a while since writing felt like anything other than a slog, something I did out of sheer determination.
Thank God for moms, right? Her question made me curious, so I pulled out my paper journal and skimmed a year’s worth of entries. And what I saw surprised me. More