The Shelter in Place Diaries: A Letter to my Toto Washlet

Shelter in Place Diary
Seattle Downtown

Dear Toto Washlet – Some people thought that I was strange for bringing you into my home. Americans don’t buy bidets, they said. The whole thing is too weird! But who is laughing now? Not me. And not you.

When we first met, I didn’t have a TP shortage in mind. It was a different time, and I was a different person. Yet you seduced me with your heated seat, automatic lid lift, self-cleaning features, and blow dry function. And amidst a pandemic you shine even brighter. No matter how low the TP supply gets, my undercarriage will remain squeaky clean.

So I salute you, Toto Washlet, just as you salute me by lifting the toilet lid when I approach. You remain as discreet and courteous as a British butler. A clean undercarriage is one of the hallmarks of human civilization. And my household remains civilized, as always, because of you.

With sincere appreciation,